I am always looking for tips and help from successful couples who have a great friendship and lasting marriage. Today, I thought I would list a few tools that have been shared with me and that I am currently practicing to upgrade my marriage and other relationships.
1- Take 100% responsibility for your part in any situation. When confronted with any problem practice this template for creating an environment of humility, love and respect. You can work this through in your mind or with another person.
A- “I am sorry…” (Even if you believe the action is not your fault, you can take responsibility and ask forgiveness for your part in creating the environment in which the problem came to be, or sorry for your response, or sorry for your judgment etc…)
B- “Please forgive me…”(like the above, make sure you can find a sincere part of your heart that is in need of forgiveness, even if it is please forgive me for holding on to the pain.)
C- “I love you…” (Love is healing and needed for any relationship to grow.)
D- “I appreciate…..” (Focusing on the good is what will bring more good and create a safe place for change.)
2- Express gratitude- constantly focus on and express what you are thankful for. This changes what the brain focuses on and will actually change the wired pathways to assist in a happier perspective regardless of circumstances.
3- Create associations and experiences with the kind of people you want to be like. Have you heard that saying...You are the sum total of the 5 people you hang out with? What characteristics do those people have? That doesn’t mean you have to ditch everyone else, but do consider how much time and energy you spend with both groups.
4- If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all. STOP the gossip or the bashing. If fact, be proactive enough to change the subject if someone else is trying to engage in a conversation that will only result in negativity. Get mentoring, training or help for your honest concerns and offer it to others as well. But don’t bring it up unless you are seeking appropriate proactive training from someone who can truly help you.
5- Allow others to be different from you. . It is ok to disagree and still be respectful and loving of another person. It can be hard but it is very important.
I was a little hesitant in writing this last one as I hope my audiences are all encompassing. But I can not leave out what is one of the most valuable tools available to all of us.
6- PRAYER- Pray for help. Pray for understanding of the other person. Pray for grace in your shortcomings. Pray for guidance, comfort or anything that you may need.
I would love to hear your ideas also. What works for you and what are your best tools for successful relationships?
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